She fixed me with her clear and penetrating gaze. "What," she enquired, gently yet firmly, "is the most important finding in your field over the past century?"

Now this is a tough question at the best of times, and when you're at a social gathering (read 'neighborhood party') with at least two glasses of wine under your belt, it's even tougher. My field is the behavioral sciences, and there have been gigantic findings over this time period, starting with Freud, Jung, and Adler and literally exploding from there.

I needed a response - and quickly. With a flash of inspiration, I said, "I believe it to be 'Learned Helplessness', developed by Martin Seligman in the '70s".

Her brow became furrowed but the gaze didn't shift. I knew I would have to both explain and perhaps even defend my response.

"You're the mother of young children?" I ventured. She nodded. "You want them to be successful in life?" Again, she nodded. "Then this is the most important aspect of human behavior for you to use in guiding their development. 'Learned helplessness' explains why so many people fail to realize their full potentials, why they stop short, pull back or simply just give up when faced with life's challenges."

I could see that I'd touched a nerve. "Tell me more," she said. "I've often wondered about this, and not just in connection with my children." So I did, but then, over the weeks that followed, I revisited the conversation. In doing so, I confirmed that my selection had been even more appropriate than I'd deserved - sticking my neck out like that. Also I was able to refine the several points I'd made by way of an explanation. May I share this explanation? It is, I believe, a vitally important lesson for us all.

At the root of 'learned helplessness' is a perceived loss of control over adverse events. The most dramatic example was provided by Victor Frankl, a Nazi concentration camp survivor and a prominent psychologist, in his book 'Man's Search for Meaning'. Frankl describes the moment at which many prisoners learned to be helpless. The guard at the gate of at least one camp pointedly told them they would never leave the camp alive. Those who 'bought into' this belief died soon thereafter.

Prominent among the survivors were those who had rejected the guard's ominous prediction, believing instead that 'this too, shall pass'. The day any person lost hope was the day (s)he couldn't get out of bed, and also the day of his/her death. Learned helplessness describes the power of believing that whatever one does makes no difference.

The alternative - a belief in one's power to affect, even control events - is an essential life skill. It's at the base of empowering children to say "No" to drugs, to be assertive in the face of bullying and to resist abuse of all kinds. Parents need to be empowered to act on behalf of their children; to sustain a healthy, loving family environment and to guide their children's development. Business leaders need to be empowered to overcome the challenges and adversity they face from every quarter, every day. As individuals, we all need to feel empowered or 'enabled' just to continue thriving and growing in our lives.

Empowerment is the absolute opposite of learned helplessness - that definable pattern of thought and behavior that can undermine all facets of success. Without empowerment, people and organizations cannot change. A business executive once told me, "Getting people to change in this organization is just like calling a caged dog! They don't even make the effort to respond!" They clearly felt no empowerment. In today's rapidly changing business circumstances a lack of empowerment / ennoblement means needless frustration, poor performance, conflict, hopelessness, suffering and depression. It means certain failure.

If we believe that there is nothing we can do to change and improve the world in which we live, we are doomed. It's generally the optimist, maintaining that things can be better, given realistic and consistent effort, who moves the business and the world forward. Sir Winston Churchill once said, "I'm an optimist; there really is no point in being anything else". I'm with him!

I'm ready to try to change any perspective that doesn't offer empowerment and the hope of change for the better. Also, I'm more than ready to change any habit I own that opposes change or which flies in the face of success.

It's been said that changing behaviors is difficult and time consuming. I've even told people that it can take up to four weeks to change a habit, but this isn't true. It took me just a micro-second to learn not to touch a hot stove when I was very young, and I haven't needed to re-learn the experience. It takes awareness - that's all!

I have to tell you that I've not always learned well. Over my life I've picked up a few 'bad habits' and I've learned to 'give up' in some areas of my life. Knowing this, I realize that I have the power to change these habits, and if they are important enough, I can change them instantly. I can un-learn my helplessness.

I now affirm that I can make a difference. It may take frequent reminders, time and effort, but I'm far from being ready to roll over and die.

Understanding the power that I have to make a difference, no matter how small, and concurrently denying the suggestion that there's nothing I can do, is a gift from my parents, my sainted Scottish Aunt, my teachers and all those who, as true friends, believe in me. What a gift! And it's mine forever - the power to create and live a really successful life.

We only live once but, if we do it right, that's enough.