My sainted Scottish aunt used to tell me, "Tha more words ye say, the less sense ye make". She was a fountain of wisdom, not always appreciated at the time, but proven right time and time again.

Spoken or written communication, comprising infinite numbers of words, in infinite combinations, is the bloodstream of any organization. Yet, how often have you reflected that quantity has rarely compensated for quality? How many times have you been involved in a long and detailed discussion, intended to add clarity to a matter, only to find yourself even more confused?

Surely, if it continues to cause us pain, then we must be "doing it wrong". Communication takes many forms, but chief among them are the following:

Directives - a "one-way" flow of ideas that earn reaction but not always intelligent response; can secure compliance but rarely commitment; that create activity but not always intended results; and which are symbolized thus:

A ------------> B

Discussion - a two way exchange of ideas, opinions and perspectives in which the stronger party usually wins. It has the same "root" as percussion and concussion! It tends to create "winners and losers", and this doesn't help long-term relationships at all. Here's a useful symbol for "discussion:

A <----------> B

Debate - much the same as a discussion, but played out under "Marquess of Queensbury rules". Perhaps it helps to use a few rituals and rules when your intent is to take someone else's position apart, but the end result is the same. Debate looks like this:

A -----> <----- B

Dialogue - a collaborative effort where two or more parties examine the same topic or issue, each from a somewhat different perspective. The differences in perspective are then shared and used to amplify or clarify the issue to the benefit of all. It looks like this:

A ---------->
                            X
B ---------->

Clearly, Dialogue makes better sense for some applications, particularly for problem solving, dispute settlement, option generation, priority definition and negotiation, among many others. A little practice is all that's required to liberate a great deal of innovation while preserving valued interpersonal relationships.

Five simple "rules" to follow for effective Dialogue.

1. Focus on the Issue / Outcome desired . . . everyone else involved is there to assist you by offering different ideas and perspectives, each of which can help to expand and/or clarify your own.

2. Suspend your Judgement / Assumptions . . . by hanging them out where everyone else can see them as clearly as you can, if not more so. You don't have to give them up, just be open about them so that others can understand you better.

3. Identify the Common Ground . . . the objective is to optimize the available information in terms of both quality and quantity. Even those who profess to know nothing are able to ask questions and/or summarize for clarification.

4. Encourage Input from Everyone . . . the objective is to optimize the available information in terms of both quality and quantity. Even those who profess to know nothing are able to ask questions and/or summarize for clarification.

5. Share the Accountability . . . because it's our problem, our shared solution, and we all have a stake in the synergies of group/team effort. Now, if everyone "owns the problem", the ball isn't as likely to be dropped. Enduring, practical and credible success is a greater probability.

Good Dialogue focuses attention on the issue, not on other people (who may be flawed in our perception!). Since behaviors are far from perfect, even in Dialogue, it's imperative to be able to keep our perspectives cool and clear.

In addition, you might benefit by thinking objectively about those aspects of others' behavior that make life harder than it needs to be for you. Visit the Staying in Touch section of our Website, at www.andros.org, for some valuable evaluative and constructive suggestions.