Assertive Communication is sometimes interpreted as "communicating in a way that gets you what you want". Perhaps that is the outcome....but that is not the real motivation or intent of assertive communication.

Communicating assertively means telling people what we want, need or prefer, in a way which neither threatens nor belittles them. Assertiveness is not a licence for outbursts of uncontrollable anger just because things are not they way you think they should be. Rather, it means being clear, confident - and, most importantly, appropriate to the situation.

"Appropriateness" is a social skill. It means behaving in manner which maintains your dignity and respect - and that of that others involved. In many situations, "appropriateness" is assessed by how you choose to respond to what is going on around you - and we're all different.

If you are not sure just how you respond, try the following short questionnaire. Determine for yourself what it is that could cause you to react inappropriately. And, discover some helpful strategies.

Perhaps the brief self-analysis provided some interesting "food for thought" and suggested some simple actions that might contribute to your assertive communication competencies. Other techniques you may wish to consider follow.

Techniques:
Communicating assertively has as much to do with "what you say" as "what you do".

What you say

• Take ownership for what you say. "I", "I think", "I feel" ..I would like..."
• Use co-operative phrases where appropriate "Let's try...We could...Shall we.."
• Be clear and concise, using language with which the listener will be comfortable.
• Ask questions, clarifying your understanding - and their's!
• Affirm areas of agreement
• Respond where necessary
• Summarize conclusions and agreements

What you do

• Stand (sit) straight - your body oriented towards the other person(s);
• Look directly at the person with whom you're speaking - eye contact of 40 to 60 percent demonstrates attention and interest;
• If on the phone, "see" (visualize) your listener
• Keep your body language open and active.

The Benefits to you?
Relationships are more open and resilient - they "wear better"; Working climates are more genuine, constructive and enjoyable; and, You have a better chance of influencing change!