What to write about? What’s of interest? What’s meaningful?

Sometimes the answers don’t come easily. But then again, don’t you find that it’s often the questions themselves that are hard to form.

I have to admit to having gotten into the habit of asking the question “why”. Not just once or twice, but continuously. Call it curiosity. Call it ignorance. The truth is probably somewhere in between! I’ve always sought to expand my knowledge. An even greater motivation has been my need to understand.

To be honest, it’s always stood me in good stead. As I am sure it has you. After all, we know that the only way to get to the root of a problem…the true cause … is to ask “why” five times over. That is, we look at the problem, ask the question “why”, look at the answer, and then ask “why” of that answer – and so on and so forth until we’ve reviewed five levels of possible explanation, each theoretically (and often practically) leading to a better level of understanding.

I say that the question “why” has always stood me in good stead…but perhaps that is something of an exaggeration. You see, I remember only too well my days in Tunisia when, as a child, I would pester my parents with all the “why’s” they could handle – and then some! – only to be told in the inimitable way of the French …“par-ce-que!”. Talk about frustration – and as for the advantages of being an adult….!

And yet, even as an adult, I’ve found “because” isn’t always the best answer, nor “why” the right question. Oh, don’t get me wrong, “why” works well for me at work. When researching a client’s problems, staff is all too ready to explain why they think something is or isn’t happening!

But in relationships? Well, I don’t know about you, but in my experience the question is not nearly as useful, nor the answers as enlightening. In fact, we’re lucky if we ever get a straight answer – something other than “because…….”.

Why? Perhaps we feel threatened by the question, believing we are about to be blamed for something. Perhaps the answer will only prove us the victim of a situation. Perhaps we simply want to be accepted for who and what we are without having to defend ourselves, our beliefs and opinions.

So, am I advocating avoiding, even evading, questions of “why” in relationships? Hardly. For me they’ve been some of the most stimulating and rewarding, causing me to consider my behaviours, motivations and beliefs….providing opportunities for meaningful growth.

So, is that why you write about this?

Well, why not?

Sorry, allow me to rephrase myself.

Having thought about it, it’s simply because...